Meezer Mancat Monday: How to do a Meezer Message

Here I am, exercising my paws. I need to keep them in shape to give Mom my famous Meezer messages. What, you don't know how to give a meezer message? Let me enlighten you....

1. Best time is between 3 and 5 am.

2. Start with a boob walk, pointy feet with 14 lbs of meezer on top of them usually will wake up Mom. She should be awake to enjoy the message.

3. If you think she is still asleep, lay on top of her chest, stare into her face, and tap her mouth gently with your paw, meowing "Mom, are you awake?"

4. Start the message in this position. Use both paws and start kneading her check, being careful not to use too much claw (this makes her cranky).

5. Take a quick potty break. Use the litter box close by and scratch hard so she can hear you.

6. Return to the same position, check Mom again with a paw in her mouth. She really appreciates this after you have used the litter box.

7. Resume kneading. Change positions and curl above her head on the pillow.

8. This is the best part, knead her hair. Use you claws here, her scalp is pretty tough.

9. Do this until she squeals with pleasure.

Its usually more than she can take, so you might get thrown off the bed. But be persistent. I've learned to stop before I get thrown out, or at least move down onto her arm. Who needs to pay for an expensive message when you have a mancat meezer mausese in the house?